Three Months before that very special day, I’m in the Midterm part of these dilemma, presuming that I will make it to the end. Not a single hour of a day that I can’t think of this challenge of my well being. It is really is a challenge that’s why I'm considering it as a dilemma. I can’t escape from this stressful part of my life given that I am interacting with people having similar dilemma as I have. However, this people have high self esteem which give them the strength to pursue what will goes on.
Weekdays are passing, examinations on my other subject has done, submission of requirements and stressful production and selling throughout our practicum class has finally completed and finished. The following weeks then will be fall of fun, bonding and hanging out together with my friends who are also my batch in my major classes. Attending MSU activities for the Elixirs’, having outings with these friends and making busy for the signing of clearance and applying to be a part of those students who will be marching on the stage, receive his/her diploma and take a solo photograph made up the rest of the weeks. But then again, behind these excitement and merriments I am also on those sleepless nights of this burden I am carrying. I have no escape and thru prayers I feel relief somehow from a likely decease body I am suffering at those times.
Now, my application has been approved and my name will be listed on the graduates and should be on the 46th baccalaureate and commencement exercises day of the university. I call my parents and pass the good news to them. Even though I did not mention any award or honours I may received, while hearing my words I still felt the contentment, gladness and joy are all flavoured on the tone of their voices. To such act I responded them with what should suppose to be responded. Days after, consequently they pack up their bags and prepared themselves for a trip not minding the cost and the exhausting trip they’ll going to have.
The day had come; the long wait to graduate has finally on its end part and so as well to my family having their first step in MSU moreover witnessing their first graduate child marching on the stage claiming her diploma is a great success for them. Definitely it is as I watch them gladly congratulate me for my success and be proud. How contented and pleased they are on my achievement is uncomfortable for me. Being graduate is just the interest of the debt I owed to them in this sense I am paid only to the interest. Their labor, finance and spiritual prayers and their priceless love is the balanced and to this my worries become heavier.
How could I pay them? Why don’t I use my profession? So many thoughts and question running on my mind and it leads me sometimes to undesirable deeds. Obviously the questions are for me and are answerable by me.
Weeks pass by and days go back to usual. I am now living like an ordinary student having her summer vacation: relaxing after long and tiring school days but to accept the obvious fact that, I am now in the real world of life, the life to be independent from the finances of her parents and to pay them back of their sacrifices. Staying at home these days are much more stressful. Cousins, aunties and uncles congratulate me for finishing my studies along with the congratulations are familiar questions that I cannot answer yet. it it is my responsibility to look for that answers.
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